I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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