dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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