I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
