So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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