She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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