I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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