Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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