I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i now understand why vodka
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
