I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ok first of all what the fuck
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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