My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
