literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
