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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
50% drunk capacity currently
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
