So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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