I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
