I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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