he thought i was a dude.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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