My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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