Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
