He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
