your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
