THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize