You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
