We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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