My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize