I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
