then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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