Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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