a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
