I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
