She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
