we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
