i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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