I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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