i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
