Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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