Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
