Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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