I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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