please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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