My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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