my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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