Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
