I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
