"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
