Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
