Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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