official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
