part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize