carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
