you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is it penis luge time yet?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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