i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
