Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize