hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
