Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
