So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
