Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
