If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
