It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
