Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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