Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
