I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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