The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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