she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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