Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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