I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
