Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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