Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
40s are totally the cure
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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