We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
