umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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