barbara walters just said penis...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
