She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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