I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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