it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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