do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
