you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You made out with two different species that night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize