We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
