We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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