Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
