i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
