I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
being pregnant is like rehab
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize