Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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