so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
