The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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