I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
MIDGETS
????
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
