laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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