What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
