im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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