i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i now understand why vodka
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
