Yo dont text me then not text me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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