Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
