I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
