sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
