I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
