I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize