if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
