I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
