We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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