You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
