dude i'm inner monologue high
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
