Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
